Housemate: Oh shut up, you love being Dad.
FTD: No, no I don’t
Housemate: Yeah you do, you do a bit,
FTD: Yeah I do a bit,
Housemate: You love it when the lads come to you for advice, makes you think you’re wise or something
FTD: Yeahhhhh I do love it, and shut up I am wise, very wise.
I’ve been through at least 3 breakups in the last 6 months. None luckily have been mine. But some of my best mates have, and I have lived through the pain. And don’t get me wrong, my mates are not the scented candles, whale song, self-help book types – they’re blokes. So, yeah, I am pretty proud that they feel able to come to me to talk stuff through.
But then, when you think about it, most days of the week I have to talk things through with complete strangers, people who don’t know me at all. If you’re thinking about a career at the Bar in the areas of law I practice in then it’s very much public facing. And often they have to tell you about very personal things within a very short amount of time of meeting you.
Love and the law
‘Pretty Boy’ and I were discussing the impending doom recently that we face. That all the boys would marry off and we’d be left, in our pinstripe suits, in nightclubs on a Friday night.
He works stupid hours in the City, I work long hours at the Bar. What’s the solution? No, not ‘Lovely Solicitor’ – I haven’t seen her in months.
But we talked about the forbidden solution, the solution which we are all too afraid to mention. No, not civil partnership, although both our Mums have wondered. Worse: online dating.
Safety first
A couple of the police forces on twitter were advertising a website earlier today: ‘online dating safely.’ The website is sponsored by HM Government, HSBC and Microsoft.
So now, I am going to take dating advice from a global bank, a global corporation and a sovereign Government. Perhaps it’s easy to see why the lads are coming to me.
According to the website, ‘broken hearts and disappointment are perhaps the biggest risks in online dating.’ Well I think that’s exactly right.
Can I be Dad again for a moment and run through their advice:
Choose your forum carefully – yep – just as in real life, don’t go down dimly lit backstreets looking for the love of your life.
Protect your privacy – yep – when the guy in the shiny silver shirt and tight gold trousers sidled up to you in the bar, don’t give him your name, address and national insurance number.
Meeting someone – yep – don’t agree to go on a first date at a disused canal.
Common sense told you all of the above, you don’t need FTD or HM Government to tell you.
Fear
Fear has become one of the overwhelming features of our society. It’s sad. Latest singleton mate is worried that he’ll revert to his former self now single, he won’t, he doesn’t seem to realise (yet) that he would have grown up anyway, no matter if he had a girlfriend or not.
All of us single lawyers are afraid to ask out ‘Lovely Solicitor’, or alternatively, too afraid that we might let something get in the way of our careers.
Looking down the list of lawyer facebook statuses tonight:
‘Banter and Hedges’ is drinking prosecco and watching Lord of the Rings.
A family law barrister is having a romantic evening in with two lever arch files.
‘GQ’ has ‘liked’ a picture of a newborn child – incredibly concerning
One of the city girls has just written, ‘Valentines Day. Pah’
NGO lawyer writes, ‘not even a pity card for the old spinster. shocker.’
So in short, lawyers are rubbish at love. My incredibly scientific survey just proved as much.
Uniform dating
Uniform dating is apparently one of the fastest growing dating websites on the internet. I imagine it is, people in their droves signing up to date a fireman. I’m not convinced that Wig Romance or Legal Lovers would attract such a big crowd.
Anyway, I’m not convinced dating other lawyers is the way to go. Having had my ex sit at the back of court throughout my hearing this morning. It was fine, no disorder in the court.
Some advice from Dad
Lawyers are rubbish at dating. But we’re brilliant at listening and rubbish at dating. So, next time you have a relationship meltdown, go to your lawyer friend. We’re better than the smug married lot who found each other at age 13.
If for some reason you do fancy dating a lawyer, I suggest you follow this utterly awful guide
http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/how-to-date-a-lawyer
However, if you come up to me in a barrister bar, start chatting latin at me and then giving me a citation for every idea you have then I am likely to pass.
Who am I kidding, I’d rather that than trying to think up a witty mysinglefriend.com profile for ‘Pretty Boy’.
Happy St Valentine’s Day
FTD.
